His Love Is In The DETAILS!!!!

I was listening to a sermon this morning during my daily devotion and it struck a chord with me. Among other things, it empowered me to share a testimony I’ve been holding on to. Holding on to it because I felt it was too precious, too monumental to my life. I’ve felt like I couldn’t put its power into words, that doing so would be minimalizing it. I realize now though, that someone’s elses life may depend on me bearing witness to God’s goodness.

Back to the sermon though! At some point, the Apostle said something to the effect of, “Do you know how many people would be delivered if they knew God already knows their details?? When you realize God sees you, it will break you!” I took those words in, thought about what God Himself has done in MY life and wept right on the CTA bus I was sitting on. Why did I burst into silent tears on a crowded bus like a weirdo?? Well because that’s EXACTLY what happened to me!!

A long time ago, I was saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost. I surrendered all of myself that was humanly possible, or so I thought. I submitted. I also called myself giving my life to God, but saving ALL the tawdry details. He’s so awesome though, that He saw them anyhow. He saw the hurt I’ve endured, the pain I covered, the loss I thought was healed, the emptiness I swore was filled, and He took it from me. He came and met me where I was, and delivered me anyhow, right there in THAT space.

He knew what I needed to save my life, even when I thought I had a handle on that too. I told myself I just needed Him to do this, this and that and I would handle the rest of the ugliness myself. It’ll all come out in the wash, I told myself. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He came and got all that too!! All of it!! He saw ME, every single piece of me and touched that too. TOOK that too.

In that time, I was blessed beyond measure by my vast village. Christmas of 2016 showed me that beyond a shadow of a doubt no matter what I have seen in this lifetime, I am loved, cared for, I matter. At a time where I was reduced to one of my lowest points my village crouched down to pick me up, showing me there are people who will fight for me when I have no fight left. The Lord truly sent His team of angels down and healed me in a mighty way!! Removed every single doubt that my life didn’t matter much, and sowed into me in such a way that I would NEVER have to worry about that again. I knew before we celebrated the birth of Christ the next morning, that my life had been forever changed. AND. IT. BROKE. ME.

That aint all though. During that time, my life was changed, I knew I was different, but I STILL held on to some things. Even some people. There were some portions of my life, some matters of the heart I believed I can handle myself. I began to endure hardships of the HEART that I couldn’t believe. I felt like “Lord what else do you WANT from me?!?!? You done took, returned & took again all my WORDLY possessions, what am I not doing right??” I began to experience every single form of heartbreak I had placed on another person, every dastardly thing I have ever done to a former suitor was done to me. I WAS HURT, in each and every way I have ever hurt someone else. God would STILL get the glory out of this though. It was THERE that I physically realized, GOD WANTS THE THINGS YOU HIDING FROM HIM TOO!! He wanted my ugliness, he wanted the terrible portions of me too. He wanted to make me new, but He needed ME in order to do so. He saw me, in my entirety.

AND. IT. BROKE. ME. It silenced me, overwhelmed me. Left me where I didn’t have anything substantial to hold on to anymore, BUT GOD!! I wondered, why would anything love ME so much?? Why would anything or anyone go so hard for lil ol me?? Was I really worth all this work?? God sat with me, stayed with me in that space until I met the ME He knew!! I was changed!!! Changed in a way that’s indescribable, broken in a way that I never knew I needed to be & I was so happy about it. I met me in that space. & I fell in love with her. I was shown WHY I was worth the work, why someone would go so hard for lil ol me!! & I’m sure it was uncomfortable for those around me witnessing me being so different, but imagine my own surprise as I began to move throughout the days, weeks, & months to come.

I’m sure the transition has been weird for most, is still weird for me today, but to God be the GLORY for the changing, the pressing, the stretching!! The ME that I met? Yall she so beautiful, so full of life and love, so selfless and giving, caring beyond measure. Her heart is so pure, she is so light it’s indescribable!! Her temperance is different, her movements not the familiar, her cares not the same. She lost the need to control people and things and situations because she has seen for herself who truly has control over her life. She is more grateful than she ever knew was possible.

The Shannon that was changed by a world she resided in before she got a chance to figure out how to navigate it was taken back, restored by the Lord Himself. The Lord gave her back the gift of trust, of forgiveness, of love, true love. I was molded again. Touched in places I didn’t know I needed to be. He has reopened my heart, allowed me to trust FIRST, love anyhow, and has repaired where I was broken.

I had been afraid before to let people touch the rough patches, the broken places. Now I know to share them for the world to see. They are MY stripes and living proof, EVIDENCE that the God I serve is a healer and a redeemer!! I also realize now that someone is at a place in their life where they are seeking the answers to their own questions, they are struggling with the same things as I was struggling with, and they are waiting for MY TESTIMONY. They haven’t been brought out of the darkness they’re experiencing because I’m pocketing the light the Lord gifted me with to give others.

My life itself is a GIFT and I realize now that I am but an instrument of the Lord’s. Where ever you are, no matter how dark or bleak it seems, no matter how alone you feel you may be, no matter how dire the straits become, The Lord sees you. He knows the details, and He loves you anyhow. Give him your ugliness, your brokenness, what you cant get right about yourself and watch Him change your life!! As I’ve heard many say before, there is LOVE in the details!!


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