Where I Wanna Be

I stopped briefly to take it all in,
Could immediately feel the hairs stand up on my skin.
Its like I started to hear noise previously silent to me,
Began to notice things I forgot how to see.
Like the melody of the wind as it dances through the trees,
How the sweet scent of rain took over my nostrils as I breathed.
How the sun tinted sky offered so much joy and glee,
And if I slowed down long enough how the wind seemed to lift me off my feet.
My senses opened up and it became plainly clear to me,
I’m in love,
And this is exactly where I want to be…

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Remembrance

 

I want to paint you.
In beautiful watercolors. Tracing the lines of your heart. The crevices in your lips. The veins in your hands. The shapes of your shoulders. Bold, bright, exhilirating, beautiful colors. Similar to the love you give.
I want to record you.
In the depths of my mind. I want to memorize your heartbeat. The song your soul sings. The sweet sound of your voice each time you whisper “I love you”.
I want to breathe you.
Inhale your loves potion. The sheer scent of you. Allow your aroma to fill my lungs like smoke and make me regret each time I exhale.
I want to taste you.
On my palette. Each sweet, sour, salty, bitter, sugary, succulent piece of you. In tiny bites. Juicy mouthfuls. Heaping portions.
I want to feel you.
On my skin. Your gentle caress. On my neck. Your soft kisses. Inside my love. A powerful thrust. In my spirit. The strongest, purest, kindest love I’ve ever known.
I NEED to remember you…

The Pieces Won’t Do

I’ve never agreed to accepting half of you,
My love is too deep to settle for part of the whole.
See I don’t know if you realize it or not but,
When I gave you my heart AND my body I also gave you a piece of my soul.
I didn’t enter this agreement intending to be 1 of 2.
I offered myself to you wholly and expected you to follow suit.
Now maybe that expectation was my first mistake,
I probably should’ve followed all the signs.
I foolishly let my heart do all the deciding,
Forgot to consult with my mind.
What I’m trying to say is I aint gonna be able to settle for being your girlfriend on the side,
Or the plaything you choose to have in addition to your wife.
I’d like to think I’m a woman of virtue and darling that scenario just aint right.
Let’s not go too far now,
My feelings for you don’t amount to desperation,
And I really don’t have too much of an issue with walking away from this situation.
I simply wanted to make things clear for you,
So at this point it’s your call.
I’ve never been one that was too fond of sharing,
So I’m gonna just let the chips fall,
And while this may escape your understanding a bit,
Allow me to politely inform you,
I don’t want half of you,
I need it all.

What’s YOUR Definition?!

Is it baby with the slanted eyes, full lips and broad back,
Who is real easy on the eyes but his conversation is real wack?
Could it be the smooth operating playboy with sensuality oozing from his pores,
Who sexes you like crazy but thinks romancing you is a chore?
Maybe its the debonair dude with plenty dollars,
That lives lakeside and drives the Range,
Who let’s you “Throw It In The Bag”,
But won’t ever offer you his last name.
I’m just trying to get in your head, just playing a lil guessing game.
We aint necessarily gotta name names, but throughout this process my question remains the same,
What’s YOUR definition of a good man?
Do you believe he’s the intelligent streetwise fella that makes sure you know he’s your #1 fan,
But got caught up in the streets and forgot to formulate an exit plan?
Who always seems to have your back and support you if he can,
Just happened to leave for a stretch,
Which wasn’t necessarily in your plan.
Did jail make him stop being a good man?!
Oh I got it, I got it!
Its the Ivy League Grad that charms other with his sly grin,
Highly educated, well versed,
But is sinister within.
The guy who looks real good in public but is a monster behind closed doors,
Lays his hands on true goddesses,
Treats ladies like they’re whores.
Before I go too far, lemme just make it clear to you.
Often times we measure our men in what they HAVE and what they DO.
We forgot to take a look at who they ARE and could possibly BE,
And I’m not knocking anybody just calling out what I see.
Just saying that maybe its our job to attempt to build with whatever type of man we choose,
And not get so caught up in appearances that we almost ensure we lose.
Just remember no man’s perfect and it may be something that each one is missing,
Just do what works for YOU and remember the question,
What’s YOUR definition?!

It’s All In The Name

All my life I’ve answered to many different things,
Multiple monikers assigned to me by miscellaneous members of my memories.
Muffin, Yummy, Nana, just to name a few,
Oh and Shan, Shanny, Baby,
Any of those names will do.
None quite as special as “The Mrs.” or Mommy which always meant the most to me,
And although they weren’t spoken by too many I respond to those with glee.
I’d like to think I wear my badges proudly.
There was just something about the name YOU gave me.
Something more solid than any pet name given to me by any other lover,
Deeper than the way Shannon was connected to my mother.
One that fit better than the Renee in the center of me,
That matched my personality better than the Nina many have called on most recently.
An appellation that speaks to me deeper than the voices of my brethren.
I just know my spirit sings each time we meet again and you replace my given name with “Heaven”.

Touch Me

I want him to touch me…
But not the way that you may think.
I need the kind of touch that sends me to the edge.
That makes me feel like I’m dangling on a ledge.
You know,
that real small space between reality and ecstasy,
where happiness forms and settles in.
That tiny crevice in time where you’re unsure how your climax began.
I need him to touch me…
But again, not the way that you may think.
You see,
I need him to stroke the cervix of my soul,
To caress the depths of my being that have remained untold.
I yearn for him to touch me…
To pet my ego, hold my fears,
rub my pride and wipe my tears.
To poke my intellect and shake my faith,
To move my overstanding to a higher place.
I long for him to touch me…
To yank my subconsciousness to life,
To pull me in ways that just dont seem right.
To grab hold my senses and never let go,
To take my inhibitions in his hand and drop them real slow.
I only want him to touch me…

Reflections

In all the things that I’ve given,
I’ve given him my heart..
I’ve offered it unselfishly, right from the very start.
I’ve thought not, not once, to hold anything back.
See, I’ve given so much, I’m sure my love isn’t something he lacked.
In all the things that I’ve given,
I’ve given him my mind…
A part of me even he told me he thought he’d never find!
A part of me I’m not really quick to even share with others,
But it was something that I liked, maybe even loved about this brother.
In all the things that I’ve given,
I’ve given him my soul…
Pieces of me that chipped away at my existence and made me feel not so whole.
In all the things that I’ve given,
I’ve given him my…hold on a moment…
Or maybe it was more like,
When he was taking he was taking and he damn sure took my all.
See there was never a question too big or ever a need to small.
He was given anything he needed and definitely granted everything he wanted.
He took freely of my kindness and my generosity was surely flaunted.
When he was taking, he was taking,
and he damn sure took my joy.
Something that even as a young woman, I said I’d never give a BOY.
Said I’d never go through, like I went through,
all the time that I was his.
Said I never cry, like I cried,
When I cried all those damn tears.
When he was taking, he was taking,
And damn sure took my, hmmph…
Yeah he stroked me, yeah he sucked me, yeah he kissed me, yeah he hugged me, yeah he caressed me, yeah he’s done me, yeah he cared for me, he even said he loved me.
But when he was taking, he was taking,
And he damn sure took from me…
But at the end of the day, all I can remember is…
In more ways than one, that negro was just fu$*ing me!

Never Lost

Somehow I lost her wrapped inside of you.
It took too long for me to even realize that much was true.
I sat her down at your doorstep, a mansion of broken promises and deep pain.
Left her like a mother’s abandoned baby, never to return again.
I thought I lost her when I loved you, but boy was I wrong.
I simply loaned her to you, just left her there too long.
Well Im back here at your doorstep and the loan is way past due.
I don’t know how much interest you thought you could accrue!
So liquidate your assets, sell your soul if you have to,
Cause Im back for what’s mine, u better do what u gotta do.
See I thought I lost her when I loved you,
I merely let her go to grow;
And she’s blossomed, she’s bloomed much more than you’d ever know.
She loves the woman she is and everything about where she comes from.
She looks forward to her future and the Queen she will become.
I really thought I lost her when I loved you, but boy, was the joke on you.
I mean we thank you for your time, even all the shit you put her through.
Truth be told you made her better, we owe it all to you.
Haha, I was afraid I lost her when I loved you,
but she was NEVER there to stay.
She just vacationed at your place, kind of a retreat so she could find her way.
Well this trip has come to an end, the ride has really been a blast.
Now Baby Girl go on and pack your things,
Cause we got a flight to catch!

Reminiscing

This is what happens when I sit back and do a lil Reminiscing…

There used to be a different time, back when the air still smelled fresh.
Before life got polluted with broken hearts and regrets.
It was such a simpler time then, before sonnets and soliloquies,
When a simple Haiku about your hair was enough to set you free.
It was an easier time then, back when intercourse was still electric,
And even now thats too deep for some of yall to get.
It was a nicer time then, way before Keith Sweat started whining about losing you,
When hearing Frankie Beverly say “I Love You Much Too Much” was enough to soothe you.
Time was much different then, and life didn’t seem so bleak.
I’m talking bout before love became bittersweet.
Back when promises was actually made to keep.
When we was all still wishing on stars and rainbows, not caring which way love may make us go.
You know, before folks start keeping everything on the down low?!?!?!
Back when Curtis, Aretha, and Gladys were all singing bout “The Makings of You”,
Way before Lil Weezy liked her, and liked her too.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not throwing stones,
I’m simply speaking my mind,
And wishing I had a machine that could take me back to that time.

It’s All In The Message

I had to just started to walk away, when something crept up my spine.
A feeling I had suppressed, even ignored, many many times.
I was afraid to jump at first, apprehensive about what I might find;
But I was gon’ be damned if I continued to let love keep me so blind.
And there it was, sleek, shiny, and silver; teasingly, temptingly calling out to me.
Whispering, “Lil Mama nows your chance. Control your own destiny.”
So caution was not as conscious and a little bit closer I came.
Hell, didn’t I just tell you I heard it call my name?!?!?!
I soon lost all apprehension and grew a pair of balls.
Negro I wondered WAYYYY too long about all those late night calls.
I yelled your name aloud, which was ignored although you were only in the next room.
And from that second forward every realm of our relationship was doomed.
I quickly sat down so I could take it all in,
all the while being sure this was the beginning of our end.
Opened it up and realized it was locked before I could even start,
but I been wit yo ass 4 years, I KNOW you aint THAT damn smart.
Good thing I know your social by heart. 😉
Got cozy, entered those predictable four digits and when I saw what I saw almost had a fit!
I couldnt wrap my mind around who the calls and texts was telling me you been wit.
And I wasn’t on no “Woman to Woman” type shit but I swear I was bout to call that bitch.
Wait, let me get calm and handle this situation right,
cause I was gonna get to the bottom of it all before the end of the night.
I was shocked, shaken even, and had no clue where to begin,
I mean fine you cheatin, but this heifer was supposed to be my friend!
Had to stop, had to think, even pray and ask God what this was about,
and plead for the strength not to destroy you and everything in this house.
I decided to put my emotions aside and let my voice of reason prevail,
cause Heaven only knew I was ready to go to jail.
I gathered my thoughts as well as my things, and before you could blink I was gone.
Leaving a simple note on your pillow that told you,
“I bet you’ll wish you never walked away from this damn phone!”

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